2/6/03 23:56

Can't sleep

Again

Mungkin iced coffee yg tadi kuminum. Or as always, there's something in my mind. Good Will Hunting lagi diputar di SCTV. Sementara itu perhatianku lebih tertuju pada Unwell dari Matchbox 20. seperti lagu-lagunya yang lain, Rob Thomas kembali mengatakan apa yg tak bisa kukatakan.

Hmmm...very me. berapa saat-saat yg terlewat hanya karena hal-hal penting tak terucapkan. Berapa banyak jalan tak terambil hanya karena ketakutan dan keraguan.

(adegan) Skylar ada di airport. Final boarding call.

Sementara itu kita semua berteriak ke Will Hunting, 'Kejar dia, Will!'

And then Ben Affleck delivers his line that says it best.

(interrupted) Commercial. Don't you hate it?

Dan pikiranku kembali ke kata-kata Rob Thomas. 'but l'm not crazy i'm just a little unwell'....''l'm not crazy i'm just a little impaired'

Somewhere along those lines, (my?) truth is told. Rob Thomas, seperti my other fav singer/songwriter, Dave Matthews told the truth, the story, in a special, unique way. But Rob's way mungkin is better described like the way a man trying to blurt out the way he feels, but ending up saying something else unimportant.

Kinda like me.

So, i ended writing them. Mmm, ya soalnya suara gue nggak sebagus itu. I wish.

Masalahnya belum tentu yg bersangkutan baca tulisan itu. Or sadar tulisan itu soal dia. Or worse, sadar dan (memilih) tidak peduli

So SMA banget nggak sih?

Whatever.

If seorang seperti Will Hunting akhirnya pun sadar, perhaps there's a chance for me. Mmm, a pleasant fiction or illusion.

But then life is an illusion. Walaupun bukan 'just' an illusion. Whatever illusion it is, it has meaning, at least to me.

Again, i'm drifting.

But that's not the point. Mmm, is there even one?

Maybe somebody (God?) is trying to tell me something. That this is not about me.

'but stay awhile and maybe you'll see a different side of me.'

'but soon enough you're gonna think of me and how i used to be.'

So, where does this lead us? Nowhere. But i have a funny feeling i'm finally heading somewhere.