Jewel Kilcher - Last Dance Rodeo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqoMa85tHxw

Your lungs fill up with concrete, her voice is all you can hear
Red lips and a 'Screwdriver', wrapped around some mink-clad smear
And you know that she's no diamond in this damn jukebox hell
'Cause Fools Gold only fools fools in two-bit hotels.
But she's cooler than all that, a real high-class cat
Queen of the Last Dance Rodeo

But under the gas lamp, the air is thick and velvety
Your bones filled with hunger, your heart fills with longing
You're no longer human, you're an insatiable hole
You wanna bury your face forever in the navel of her soul
'Cause you know

All you need is a heart to call home
All you need is a heart to call home
That's all

Light bulbs and nylons and plastic chandeliers
Objects are only objects, they can't feel when you're near
And tangerine lips and lily-white breasts
These things are eternal inside them humanity rests
The skin is like a seashell, you listen to her soul
Like an old-time radio show

But under the gas lamp, the air is thick and velvety
Your bones filled with hunger, your heart fills with longing
You're no longer human, you're an insatiable hole.
You wanna bury your face forever in the navel of her soul
'Cause you know ...

All you need is a heart to call home
All you need is a heart to call home
That's all

But don't wander too far on one constant star
Darkness exists, except where you are
My feet are filled with wandering, they follow your own
'Cause everywhere you are feels like home

So search all you miners, you hunters of dreams
Look in the alleyways for what you know is not what it seems
And fame, all you maidens, but don't resist too long
But at least look behind you and see your own shadow is gone
Don't you know it's the last rodeo
You gotta find yourself a cowboy or someone to keep you warm when it's cold

But under the gas lamp, the air is thick and velvety
Your bones filled with hunger, your heart fills with longing
You're no longer human, you're an insatiable hole
You wanna bury your face forever in the navel of her soul
'Cause you know

All you need is a heart to call home
All you need is a heart
All you need is a heart to call home
That's all

Jewel
Goodbye Alice in Wonderland

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First and foremost, if this email bother you, feel free to flag it as junkmail.



It's been awhile

This song is to whoever think that being single is something I, or for anybody else for that matter, enjoy.

Funny, someone asked me something along those lines the other day. My answer was that I'm not ready. Not ready because things are still what they are. Because being single makes it easy to be able to do the things that needs doing.

And

because everything that i hold dear probably will be better of without me anyway.

That does not mean i think less of those who have the courage to be with their loved ones. Far from it, i think they are, by far, the most courageous people i have ever have the privilege to be friends with, or at least to know.

Through them, i 'siphon' the best things of life has to offer - God too, if you're a believer, no matter who you pray to. Siphon is probably too better of a word - some might be tempted to say 'leech' - does that make me a parasite?

I guess it does. Just another sin to add to the list.

I certainly was surprised that some people think that i'm 'Good'. "Orang terbaik yang gue dan istri gue tahu."

I don't deserve such a statement, there are infinitely far more deserving people. I'm not even well, 'Nice'. I couldn't think of a 'amiccable' reaction to that statement the moment it was uttered. How did that happen? How can i not feel anything?

Sometimes i feel pretty much like Patrick Bateman in American Psycho.

"I have all the characteristics of a human being-- skin, hair, bones-- but not one recognizable human emotion, other than greed and disgust. There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me, only an entity, something illusory, and though I can hide my cold gaze and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense that our lifestyles are probably comparable,

I am simply not there."

How can you love something that is not there?
Something like me.
Someone who couldn't respond to even the most basic of human emotions.

I know well enough who i am and i know that i'm not 'Good'.

Me acting 'Good' would probably come of as insincere attempt of empathy - something fake and not real. Isn't that the same as not being there, it will be like a mockery of people's feelings and emotion.

At least, i know enough that people don't like that.

So, if you believe in God, maybe tonight you can say a prayer for me. A prayer that i can change. Because i believe i can.
Why? I always appreciate an artist or artists able to convey the entire gamut of emotions in their work - from beauty to ugliness, from joy to sorrow. From tragedy to deliverance. Related to my lacking my own perhaps? Probably.

So, even my destructive self still believe there is hope. But not now, not yet.

Maybe when things are better, i'll meet my 'Queen of Last Dance Rodeo," like all of you undoubtedly have. With enough time and effort, even one this lost will be able to find his way home.

Amen.
That is definitely something worth living and hoping for.