[Listening to: Where Is The Love? - Black Eyed Peas - (03:53)]

6/10/03 2:40

How? How do i feel?

Like i'm on my last legs. Tahu kan? Rasanya kayak lo nahan napas terakhir, trying to keep from drowning. Dan lo reach down inside, trying to find that last strength you have.

Gloomy. Sad. Bleak.

Hmm. If you know me long enough, you'll know i'm actually like this most of the time. Sure, kalo around you nggak selalu. Public smiles private tears. Or maybe just sadness. No tears.

Mungkin that's what i'm holding back. Not memories, not a single breath. Just one tear and, mungkin closure. To what? Everything.

Yeah, right. Just keep wallowing in self pity and grief. Maybe somebody'll care. Eventually.

Please.

Should've known better. The truth must be gue suka 'terluka' seperti ini. It gives you an excuse for being who you are. A pathetic bastard who can't face the truth.

You're pushing all your true friends away with this shit. Stop it.

How fitting. (Holding) my last breath nya Evanescence is playing in the background.

Self indulgence will get you nowhere. I hate this, i hate myself. I hate who i have become. For wishing this before. Leave me alone, let me be.

But you still there. I stlll have you. My own personal haunting. Padahal semua ini solusinya gampang. Look around. She's not here. She's gone. Nothing you do will bring her back. Nada.

Grieve. Wept. You stupid bastard. Then move on. Go on living and stop holding on to your ghosts.

I can't. I've been doing this too long i don't know how to stop. I don't know anything else. This is all i have.

Dumbfuck! Stop it! You're doing it again.

you're using work and your friends to escape. This is not fair to them. They don't deserve this.

I know. You're right.